Friday, January 23, 2015


And we wept that one so lovely should have a life so brief, 
--William Cullen Bryant
Today marks the date that Kruz is exactly as old as Laynee was the day that she was taken from us.  2 years, 7 months and 7 days.  It's unfathomable.  Even though I have lived through that pain once, my mind simply cannot wrap around the thought of having to say "good bye" to this, my youngest child.

So many times since Laynee's accident I have said "one more day.  If I could just have one more day with her. "  But last night as I tucked Kruz into bed, I held him a little while longer, planted a few more kisses and I knew.  I knew that just one more day would never be enough. I want a lifetime with him, just as I wanted a lifetime with her.

Tomorrow, if God allows it, I will lift Kruz from his bed and he will be older than Laynee ever lived to be.  Jim and I will never again be able to look at him and remember when Laynee was that age.  We will never be able to look back at growth charts and compare them by size.

I can't really explain it but there is something about this reality that hurts.  It's another door slamming shut on that beautiful, but ever so painful, chapter of our life.

 There's a Laynee shaped hole in my heart.   Like Laynee, the hole is bigger than life, so big that I wonder how it is that my heart continues to beat.
Laynee's last photo
2 years, 7 months, 7 days
God is good, all the time.

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